A child’s possessiveness is an outgrowing problem of today’s parents. If your child is too possessive, then you must need to take some serious actions. First, you have to accept, that this is a genuine problem and you are not alone here. If you are a parent in the 21st century then you must be aware of it. Today, kids are becoming socially isolate. This is the time when everyone is in the race of getting high grades. Kids have no time to go out to play with their friends. They just busy in academics. They are under so much pressure that have lost their childhood somewhere between high grades and competitions. Neither parents have time to talk to their kids, nor kids have. This leads to the some very serious issues, which you recognise with the passage of time. There is a famous saying,
“Prevention is always better than cure.”
You may be struggling with your kid’s stubbornness and rude behaviour. Your kid is neither going with you nor allowing you to go to your friend’s party. Then, you must stop for a minute, and try to find the reason. In the past when people were living in the gadget free world, humans were more important than machines. Kids were happier because they had more freedom. They might not have lots of toys, but still they played more happily, because they had friends. Today kids have more facilities, but they don’t have much freedom. Instead they have fears, to fail the exam, to lose their precious things, and many more. They become possessive because they developed a fear of losing something. This is a real issue to be discussed and solved.
The causes behind this may be varied to some extent, according to the social and economical circumstances of the child. Some common ones are addressed here.
Lack of Social Interection
Today we have lots of blessings which the man in the past could only dream of. We are living a very comfortable life with everything we wish for. Today’s child is lucky in the sense that he can get his favourite food and toys easily. They have lots of gadgets to entertain themselves. This is the mistake that you as today’s parents do. You buy them everything they demand. These gadgets are good to some extent, but not the replacement of a night time story by parents. If you give you child an option between digital story and your story, he will definitely choose you.
You should accept that your kids are humans and they need humans to share their emotions. They need partners to play with. They lack social interaction and this leads them towards possessiveness about the people around them. Computers cannot understand their feelings. This will lead them towards psychological problems. They will stop taking social life seriously. First, they will feel themselves alone. Then they will become use to their loneliness. They will stop going out and become socially isolated. This social isolation leads towards possessiveness. They just stick with the things and people around them. They consider them their complete world and are not ready to share them.
Talk To Your Child
It is natural for a child to grow jealous of his newborn sibling. You will see that after the arrival of a new child, he became more and more demanding. You thought this is bad behaviour. You ask him, again and again, to love and kiss your baby sister, and he just ignores it. This is because he is not ready to share his parents with anyone. He always got complete attention and the love of his parents. How can he share everything at once? You should talk to him and convince him that mummy and daddy still loves you more than anyone. You don’t need to worry about this at all. Tell him it’s okay if he doesn’t want to love the baby. You just give him time and space and let him make a decision.
Give Them Emotional Support
Every kid is different from others. Try to understand your child’s emotional needs. They are not just your kids but also humans. They are more sensitive to your behaviours. Sometimes kids are not able to share their feelings, so their moods change every now and then. They will throw things, hit younger brother and sister, and in extreme cases hurt themselves. You being a parent are the only person to watch for your kid’s behaviour changes reasons. You can give him a hug, a kiss, or can go for a walk. Remember your emotional support and love can heal your child’s possessiveness. You should sometimes become a friend of your child, so that he can share his feelings with you. Always appreciate him for his good deeds. You don’t need to compare your child with others.
Do Not Over React
Yes I know! You are a working parent. You have to earn the bread and butter of your family, as well as you have to take care of kids. This is a wearying job. When you are doing all these efforts to satisfy your family. Along with, you have to tackle your kid’s extra demands, and then it’s natural to get angry. Remember to hold your anger. You have to end your day. You have to answer your client’s emails and clear up the kitchen mess. While your kid wants to listen to a story from you. This is more important. Do not overreact on your kid’s sudden demands. Try to listen to him. Try to fulfill his one demand and promise him to fulfill the second one tomorrow.
Do not think that he does not understand you he just wants to spend time with you. He is possessive about you and this is because you may have ignored him in the past. Try to spend time with him.
Sharing Is Caring
Kids are mostly possessive about their toys. They don’t allow other kids to touch or play with their toys. This is because they never learned to share. You should take your child to the park along with his favourite toy, and convince him to play with other kids who have their toys as well. You have to teach him that it’s ok if his toy broke or lost in playing. Do not get angry for breaking stuff. Tell him it’s ok that was just a “plate” for example. We can buy a new one. Give him the concept of sharing is caring. If you get angry before him for accidentally damaged something then he will get the same idea to get angry when someone breaks his toys. He will not share his toys. He will not share with his parents with his siblings. He will never learn the concept of sharing.
You kids are your future. Do not let go of their emotional needs. They are your imitator. They just follow you, whatever you do. If you will shout, they will shout back, if you give them love they will love you. You have to remember that kid’s possessiveness will increase if not cured and will become a personality disorder. Your kids are humans, not pets who just follow your orders. You have to be patient to solve this problem. Kids are very intelligent. You shouldn’t underestimate their understanding. They just need your attention and love. Try to talk to them. Talk, talk, and talk. This is the only thing you can do to cope with this problem.