Most of the time, it is best to reassure our child that everything will turn out fine, however sometimes things don’t work out this way. Experts claim that mental health is often misunderstood by most parents and end up turned into a toxic message for children.
It is very unhealthy to tell children hide their emotions weather it’s positive or negative.
There’s a story about a father is so proud of his 8 years old boy being so strong because he hasn’t cried once since his grandmother died.This is an example of how mental strength get misinterpreted and turned into toxic message for children.
In fact, “Not crying” is not / should not be a symbol of strength, as everyone should know how to express our emotion in a healthy ways e.g. laugh when you’re happy / cry when you’re sad.
Parents should be very careful of what they say, as some words had the potential to be quite harmful despite of the good intentions.
Stop saying these 5 things if you want your children to be mentally strong.
1. Stop crying
Crying is a healthy way to express our emotions and there is nothing wrong with it. Surely, you should stop any kind of inappropriate behaviour, for example if your child is rolling and screaming in a shop, in a very calm way by explain to them in “kids language” to correct this sort of behaviour but not the emotion.
2. Calm Down
When your kids trying to express that they are upset (e.g. throwing a tantrum), what do most parents say? “Calm Down!”
Most of the time is because they want their kids to stop and simply out of their own frustration. By saying “Calm Down” will not help and it doesn’t create a sense of peace for the child.
As a parent, it’s vital to teach your kids how to regulate their feelings (e.g. deep breaths or change their attention to somewhere else) as kids need to know how to calm their minds and bodies. Ultimately, they will learn to practice those skills on their own.
3. It’s no big deal
I believed every mama always tell her kid “is no big deal” when something is going to happen, or something goes wrong. Whether your kid is afraid of her flu jab or nervous about her upcoming ballet recital, please do not underestimate her concerns and simply say, “is no big deal”. This is a big big problem for her, as she tries to tell you that she needs support. Mama should encourage or cheer her instead of telling her she should not worry. Teach her the techniques she needs to deal with her “emotion”
4. You’re the smartest kid
Expert says over praise (e.g. you are the best student in the world) your kid does more harm than good. And should emphasis more on the effort than the achievement. You should let your kid know that you value her effort regardless of the outcome. If you praise for successful outcomes only, she might grow to believe that she needs to win at all costs (even cheating or hurting others) as she afraid of failing
5. Everything will be fine
It’s normal for everyone of us to reassure our kids that everything will turn out to be okay even-thou sometimes, things aren’t okay. However, experts suggest that, instead of telling them nothing bad will happen but teach them that they’re strong / capable to deal with whatever hardship they have encounter in her life (e.g. tragedies). It is very important to ensure they have the skills to handle any sort of life’s inevitable events.
Change of your parenting style could be the first step to help your kids develop their mental strength and improve their social and emotional skills. It’s always never too late.